


enough

by mourningafter



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Lee Minho | Lee Know is a Sweetheart, M/M, Sad Bang Chan, its five am im so sorry, minchan, minho reassures him, stray kids - Freeform, this is sad i'm sorry, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 08:54:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19764823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mourningafter/pseuds/mourningafter
Summary: chan doesn't feel good. in fact; he doesn't feel like he's quite enough.





	enough

**Author's Note:**

> tw // chan kind of just feels really down and he doubts his worth, sort of?
> 
> i wrote this and it's currently five am and i'm sad so this is really BAD i'm sorry
> 
> okay please enjoy

"sometimes i just think… maybe i'm not enough," he whispers in the dark, the sheets rustling as he turns on his side. "i get these thoughts that maybe what i'm doing isn't what anyone would consider enough. you know?"

the silence following his words doesn't feel constricting. it doesn't feel suffocating, like he's losing his breath. it kind of feels comfortable, like maybe his boyfriend is soaking the words up and trying to think of a good way to reply back. 

they've been doing this a lot, lately. if they're both up really early, from either not sleeping or because they woke up odd, they talk. about emotions, feelings, anything that's holding them back right now. it feels better later, because the reassurance they provide each other speaks volumes. it feels right to talk about it all with someone you trust more than yourself.

so he continues. "there are days when i don't know what i'm quite doing. sometimes i think that getting out of bed seems like the toughest thing to do. i don't want to face the world in fear that i'm just going to cry because everything feels so stressful." he shuts his eyes. "sometimes i think about what i'm going to do. how i'm going to help everyone else get through their day. what kind of positive message can i put in felix's head? what can i do for jisung so i can see his smile? can i play a certain song in the morning that makes changbin's eyes light up? can i make something special for breakfast so woojin has a good day? can i give jeongin the hug he's been begging for? pose for a selfie with hyunjin? ruffle seungmin's hair?"

his voice cracks at the end as tears spring to his eyes. "i just want to give everyone what i really want. i want to see them happy. you all deserve happiness, you know, and sometimes i just feel like i don't deserve you."

a hum comes from minho as he turns to his side. there's sympathy flooding his eyes as he puts a hand on his boyfriend's cheek. chan melts into it, shaking with sobs as he tries to control his feelings. the ones that have been drowning him lately.

the clock informs minho that it's four in the morning, telling him he has two hours to help chan get the reassurance he desperately needs. minho hums again, closing his eyes as he tries to find the right words.

"i know you think you don't do enough, hyung, but you do," he starts, "it's very clear. you make the boys light up every single day. they hate seeing you sad, i hate seeing you sad; you never deserve to feel this way. like you're being crushed under the weight of responsibilities or emotions. you deserve to live and breathe."

chan lets in a shaky breath as he nods under minho's hand. the younger smiles lightly, although the other can't see it. it feels comfortable laying here in bed with each other, in their own little world.

he's never sure on what he can say. he doesn't know what will end up helping chan in the end, and he fears that what he says will only make everything worse, somehow. so he tries to smile and push the fear from his head and speak to chan truthfully, no filters. just telling him what he thinks.

scooting closer, he speaks again. "you work so hard. you smile more than i think anyone ever does. seeing you cry like this breaks my heart, baby, you don't know how much i wish i could make you feel better. the love you provide everyone is enough. the things you do in the morning is enough. you make everyone feel special in their own way. i'm so proud of you."

the words make chan sob harder, tears rushing down and falling onto the sheets. it feels reassuring to be told that he's doing enough, but he really only wants to feel like it is enough. minho lets out a soft breath as he sits up, pulling his boyfriend up with him.

it's not hard to get chan into his lap, legs wrapped around him and arms wrapped around his neck. chan's sobbing into his neck, hot tears touching minho's skin. he doesn't mind though; he's pressing soft kisses into his boyfriend's skin and rubbing his back. soft words of encouragement fall from his lips as he tells chan he's proud of him, that he's okay, that they would get through this. together.

when chan lifts his head, minho lets out a soft sigh and tilts his head. red cheeks, red eyes, a red nose - chan's red and it makes minho's heart burst. he leans forward and kisses the tear tracks donning his cheeks, making chan's eyes flutter shut. minho can make him feel so safe in his arms, feel so special.

then a kiss to his nose. and finally, he can feel the younger's breath on his lips.

"i'm only going to kiss you if you tell me that you're enough. you're enough, baby. you've always been enough."

he doesn't want to say it. it doesn't feel right, telling a lie to his boyfriend's face. so he sucks in a breath, "i don't feel enough. i don't ever feel enough."

minho nods. "i understand. i won't push anymore. but know that i think you're enough. my pretty baby with his cheeks all red. i wish you didn't hurt so much. you're so beautiful, i want you to forever know that."

"okay," the older murmurs, leaning in closer. "kiss me?"

"of course."

when their lips meet, chan softens. his shoulders fall as minho puts a hand to chan's cheek, pulling him closer. it's so soft, and chan notes softly that even at four in the morning, minho tastes like strawberry. it only makes him feel safer.

pulling apart, minho chuckles. "enough. you're enough, my sweet boy. my hyung. my favorite person in the world."

and chan falls against him, a small smile on his face. he doesn't feel like he's enough, but minho can help him grow and get better. he's so happy to have him. 


End file.
